Hello Friend,
Ugh, I hate rejection. I want people to like me, and I really want people to like what I have to say.
When I wrote my first book thirty years ago, I had no idea just how many times I would hear the word “no.” Much to my chagrin, rejection is an ever-present experience for authors.
When you write a book, you become a salesperson. You have to market your manuscript to publishers, market your published book to bookstores, market your message through podcasts and interviews, and market yourself as a thought leader. If that sounds like a thousand opportunities to be rejected… you’re right.
My six published books received countless “no”s over the years. Conquer Fear received dozens of rejection letters from publishers before I decided to self publish. I have received five polite “no thank you”s from the booking department of The Today Show. I even recorded full interviews for other popular talk shows and podcasts, only to receive the unthinkable post-filming rejection when the editor cut my segment.
My authorship has been rejected more times than I can count. And yet, I have published six books. One of those publishers that rejected Conquer Fear even came back around with a contract–one I am proud to say I passed on. I am an international best-selling author with a thriving coaching business. I founded a publishing company! My books have changed thousands of lives. The “no”s were plentiful, but each “yes” was exactly the right one.
If you want to be a successful author, you simply must get good at receiving rejection. How, you ask?
You have to shift what you think rejection means. Luckily, we at HOPE Publishing House always lead with mindset coaching. So, I’ve got you! Let’s shift that anti-rejection mindset.
MindShift #1: Rejection is not an obstacle to overturn.
Too many of us have been taught that accepting rejection is weak. Have you ever been told not to take no for an answer? I know I have.
My first commissioned sales job was in the mid 80s. I was an elementary school teacher looking for a little extra cash, and the opportunity to sell textbooks to the Florida School Board fell into my lap. I would make the 50-mile drive to Miami each Saturday morning (one of my very precious student-free weekend days), and I’d deliver a prepared sales speech written by my sales manager.
I was a great speaker, and my pitch was always delivered with just the right tone and inflection. I knew I was good at it. But I never sold a single textbook!
After three weeks of no sales, my manager called me into her office. She told me something I didn’t know a manager would ever say: I was too nice. Apparently, word got around that while I wasn’t selling any books, I was befriending all the other sales reps who represented different publishers. Before we would present our speeches, I would chat up the other reps, ask what they needed, help them out, and even let them go before me. My competition!
My highest value–even more than being successful–was being liked. I was 23 years old, insecure, and just wanted everyone to befriend me.
It took a stern lecture from my manager and a sales training course for me to understand that my behavior wasn’t projecting kindness–it actually looked like I didn’t believe in my product. I had to learn how to be confident, professional, and persistent. These training courses taught me not to take no for an answer. They turned me into an effective salesperson who became one of the top textbook sellers in our division.
But even though the methodology was working, it didn’t feel good. Something in my conscience didn’t like it.
I quit that job less than a year later.
The next year, I went to work for Mary Kay Cosmetics, selling makeup and skincare products. In that sales experience, I realized why my previous sales training wasn’t good.
My first big sale came from Amy, a neighbor in our small South Florida community. I invited her over for a free facial, as I had been trained to do. Amy was so excited to have a girls’ night with a fellow neighborhood mom. During the facial, I hit my sales
points hard. Amy was hesitant to buy anything, and I pushed. I countered every hesitation with a reason why she needed to buy these products. She left my house with $500 worth of skin care products, and I went to sleep that night with a big winner’s smile on my face.
The next day, Amy returned the entire package with a two page handwritten letter sharing her frustration with me. She felt completely unheard, undervalued, and manipulated by me–her neighbor!
And sadly, she was right.
I cared more about making that big sale than connecting with her. I ignored her needs and concerns. I lost a potential customer through that mistake… but I also lost a friend.
I get it, persistence is good. Persistence is a valuable trait in sales and business, but the ‘never take no for an answer’ mentality is down right detrimental.
I couldn’t tell what felt so off when I was selling textbooks to a large committee. But selling products that were supposed to improve quality of life to a personal friend? That finally showed me why that sales training felt off. The never take no for an answer technique is ineffective in the long run and completely unsustainable. Worse, it chips away at your spirit.
MindShift #2: Your book is an opportunity to serve, not an opportunity to win.
Amy helped me realize the key ingredient of selling is serving. Great salespeople serve.
So, I took that incredibly difficult lesson and transformed my sales skills to serving skills. And when I became deeply honored to serve people with my sales pitches, the “no”s became irrelevant.
When I started writing books, this MindShift kept me sane. Every rejection letter sent from a publisher, every talk show that wouldn’t take me, every industry leader who opted not to write a testimonial… I could be grateful that my message had reached one more person. Even if that person was just a booking agent or Tony Robbins’ assistant. I knew that my message had value, so a “no” couldn’t shake me. I was still serving.
The trick is to identify what is unique, special, and extraordinary about your message. When you have identified what your unique genius is, get deeply passionate about it. Develop the self-view that your book offers the best, most unique, highly valuable version of your message that your reader could ever get. You are a life changer!
For example, in Mindset Reset I teach the reader how to retrain their brain so they can become the best version of themselves. I offer the reader a formula so they can actually do the transformation work on their own. They learn how to identify and overcome their own blind spots. When they have a breakdown, they’re given MindShifts to help them master their emotional state and move into their breakthrough.
Notice that there is no willpower required. Instead of the common self-help lesson of forcing a behavior change, I teach my reader to spot their behavior patterns, trace them to a deeper belief system, and examine that belief with fresh eyes. I encourage gratitude for the beliefs they have built, even if it is time to let them go and choose a different thought. That is Mindset Reset’s unique genius–there is no willpower in my formula. No shame.
The other uniqueness found in all of my books (and we teach this in our writing courses and retreats) is the importance of writing to both sides of the brain. People learn best in hemispheric integration. So I tell stories that the reader can imagine in their mind, while also offering facts and solid content. I blend the two on every page.
The final uniqueness is vulnerability. I share my authentic story in Mindset Reset–the true depths of how I became the person I am, warts and all. People can feel inauthenticity in every half-true word they read. So, I tell the whole truth. I share–even when my stories don’t show me in the best light. I would rather connect with my reader in vulnerability than try to convince them that I have always known it all.
These aspects of Mindset Reset are unique to me as an author. I realize not everyone wants this book. Some people don’t want to peek behind the curtain of their own behavior. They want the motivational book that will list exactly what successful people do each day and leave it at that. Mindset Reset is not for them. And that’s okay.
What is your book’s uniqueness?
When you have your extraordinary genius dialed in, it’s relatively easy to take rejection, because you have a spiritual backbone. You have a level of confidence that goes far beyond your back cover copy or your elevator pitch. You have an essence about you that everyone feels and can trust.
With this genius dialed in, you also know where you can best serve. And, most importantly, you understand whom your wisdom serves best.
That means your book cannot serve everyone. And you’re okay with that.
MindShift #3: A “no” is not a failure.
So many of us see a rejection as a terrible failure. It means that we were not persuasive or charismatic enough. We feel that we’ve lost some sort of contest with an opponent, and we label that a failure (oh no, so scary!).
But a “no” doesn’t have to mean any of those things. Here are some other interpretations of a “no”:
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A “no” means the prospect needs more information. This is your opportunity to show your confidence in your unique message. Receive the “no” and respond with confidence.
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A “no” means you are being refined. Simply put, you can get better. Take the time to evaluate your pitch and notice where you could improve. Be excited for the opportunity to grow!
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A “no” means you have the opportunity to build trust. Trust in divine timing. Trust in God’s will. Trust in your intuition. And trust all things happen for your highest good. You weren’t meant to use that publisher or appear on that segment. Your book will serve in other ways.
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A “no” means you can move on to other areas that would be better served by what you offer. Don’t fall into the pattern of focusing on the same pitch with the same “no thank you” answer! There’s someone else out there who will love your book. Don’t let your comfort zone become a prison, take the risk of a new connection with more potential.
With these three MindShifts and the confidence that comes with them, you too will start to love sharing and selling your book, so you can serve. Now, a “no” is not a failure. It’s an opportunity to grow your conviction in what you offer, and an invitation to the universe for someone better served by your book to appear.
What a gift! Rejection rocks!
With love and respect,
~ Lisa J.
P.S. If this message resonated with you, and you are ready to radically erase fear from keeping you from writing your book, set up a breakthrough call with Lisa J. She will help you unleash the courage to become a published author. Here’s the link to set up a call and create a whole new future for yourself as a published author Go to: https://calendly.com/mindsetreset
